My Easter Story

For Easter my mom gave all of us Easter baskets like the ones in the picture, which can hold candy but can also be used as delightful Easter decorations for years to come. Since Katy usually comes to our house for Easter, my mom procured one for her one also. Katy was MIA from our Easter celebration this year, however, due to a totally lame thing called "graduate school" and something that comes with it called "homework". So I agreed to take Katy's basket home with me, Easter candy and all.

But...I didn't see Katy all week after I got back from Easter weekend. So I ate all of her Easter chocolate and replaced it with some Camel Light coupons I found. Oh, and I also put all the jelly beans from my basket into hers because I hate jelly beans.

In the Carter family, that's what we call "what you get for not showing up".

Plus I just really like chocolate.

Souloff

Souloff

Weekend Video Treats: Masturbation Toolbox

Since the new season of The Tudors is premiering tonight, I thought we would do a little phancy-dance with Jonathan Rhys Meyers-related material. Even though this Masturbation Toolbox is supposed to be primarily for ladies, the majority of the videos also have a little something for my same-sex-lovin' gentlemen. Because I'm all about equal opportunity.

From the excellent film Velvet Goldmine (a story loosely based on two musical icons. Guess which ones) NSFW!!! - This clip is totally titular -


Okay, so this one is mostly Ewan McGregor with just a dash of Jonathon Rhys Meyers. But I can't bear to not post this one when even remotely talking about Velvet Goldmine. My sources tell me that this song is not on the soundtrack. Shame, but I would be one to argue that the song is not the same, uh, stimulating experience without the visuals:


Next, a memorable role in Ang Lee's Ride With the Devil. This YouTube clip is a parody of the film, making it look as if there was a love affair between Jonathon's and Tobey's characters (there wasn't. Tobey's character gets it on with Jewel) -


Last, but not least, the best scene in Bend It Like Beckham. How fantastic is his whole "up and down" look he gives whats-her-face when she comes out in her clubby outfit? (And how awful of a dancer is Keira Knightley?!) Hot!

That's Sherlock Amber to you, holmes.

Diablo, Jonny, and Feb are probably going to be the only ones who get this or even care, but -

While perusing the Street Clash pics from Toronto Fashion Week, I came across this -

"Hmm...that dashing gentleman on the left looks like MARCO FROM DEGRASSI!"

God damn I'm good.

Bad Bitches On Roller Skates.

Sadly, we failed to include our totally rad rental skates in this pic.

Daffodils

Snippets and Snappets.

* I don't understand how Heidi can seem so smart and mature on The Hills yet so stupid everywhere else. I have to say these things on here because I don't have a couch mate to say them to while I'm actually watching the show. So I save them. For you. Lucky!

* I joined the league softball team that we've got going on at work. I helped one of my coworkers get it started (by helped, I mean "encouraged her to do it when she asked me if I thought it was a good idea, then researched leagues on the internet and wrote up a suggestion form for company sponsorship"), then hemmed and hawed about joining. I mean, my YMCA team won the league championship when I was in the sixth grade, so, I mean...I got some skills. But the biggest reason why I've never been a big part of "team sports" is because I don't wanna be that kid on the team that makes everyone else lose. You know that kid. Yeah, you do. I possess a healthy amount of confidence as well as the ability to laugh at myself, but I don't like letting people down. So here's to hoping my skills at hitting balls will come in handy on the softball field.

* I've been rather homesick lately. Though I love this fair city, every once in a while I'll find myself standing in a crowded place somewhere, thinking, "Everyone here looks the same. I wanna go home." It's simply become a part of my life - I need a little north on the regular in order to feel settled and at peace with my existence here. If I don't get it, I will begin to wax idyllic about living in northern Wisconsin again, about all the things I miss from there that I can't get here. Sometimes it's necessary to go home again to remember that the reason why I can't get them here is because they don't exist anymore, not even up there.

* Easter weekend with my family was great. Since my older brother Kris and SIL Becky were in Chicago and baby brother Dan was on a date, I got to have my parents' undivided attention all night on Saturday. Growing up, I used to dream about this (only the dream was more that I had their undivided attention for the rest of my life instead of for just one night). Now I realize how uncomfortable and overwhelming it can be without someone else there as a buffer. I really love my parents and I enjoy spending time with them, but I don't think anyone could ever accuse them of going easy on me or making too big of a production of my accomplishments and/or recognitions.

* I also realized that, like a bratty 6 year old, I tend to get really irritated when my mom fails to remember every single thing I like and dislike. Real quote: "I don't understand why you keep insisting on trying to make me eat cooked carrots when you know I don't like them!" I know it's illogical and immature to act this way: My mom has three kids, two of which she loves more than me, and so most of the time she's busy enough trying to remember everything they like and dislike so she can fulfill their every request and whim when they're around. But I just kind of feel like, if my own mom can't remember all the things I love and hate, what hope is there for a future mate? When is it my turn to get my own personal person who lives to fulfill my every need and want? Huh?! When!

* I haven't been in much of a blogging mood as of late: Haven't really felt the motivation to do much more than post videos and links and little blurbs. This blog has become more of a tumblr than a fascinating collection of my musings and insights, and I either apologize if that has disappointed you or say "You're welcome, and don't forget to stop by my Amazon Wish List on your way out" if you've preferred it. Nothing is wrong, I've just been taking some Amber Time this past month to work on a couple of side projects. I'm also not the type to force the brilliance if it's not immediately forthcoming, so you suckers are just gonna have to wait until the genius strikes.

It's like lightening!

Is anyone else hopeful, deep down in their heart of hearts, that Brit-Brit's performance on "How I Met Your Mother" will be smashing?

Because I totally do.

Come back, Brit-Brit. Come baaaaack...cooooommmeee baaaacckkk....

Weekend Video Treats: Pure Gold.

Taylor over at Mediation posted this. I really don't feel the need to say anything about it...watch for yourself and you'll understand why.

PURE GOLD.

From Vintage Ads (you may have to click to enlarge):

Dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me...

I finally overheard something worthy of submission to Overheard In Minneapolis!

Happy Birthday, Matt!

It’s your birthday, Matt,
and you’re the best.
You put new dance moves
to the test.

I like it when you sing
the same song for hours.
It gets in my head
like a musical shower.

The first time we met
we realized I had made out
with one of your old friends.
That could have been weird.
We got past it, though,
and now we talk about Mercedes Benz.

You’ve got a mohawk
and some police are scared of you.
Not me though!
I don’t think you’re scary.
I think you’re neat-o.

Your sense of humor is hilario
Especially when confronted with a lame scenario.
That's pretty cool.

You beat me at Guitar Hero
Which was fine because I suck at it.
You are the nicest to me
and I always appreciate it.
I can’t think of anything else
to say that rhymes with “it”.

Your wife is the coolest
and you know it.
She also thinks you’re the bomb
and will show it.
Don’t stop doing that.
It gives us all hope for the future.

So happy birthday, Matt!
Rat-a-tat-tat
a-tat-tat
tat-tat-like a tattoo-tat-tat

I live a full life.

I swear to god I'll write something of import on here soon, but right now I have an Urgent Breaking News Announcement.

Miss Guided is my new favorite show. It's like TV candy - quirky, bright, hilario and sweet.

Seriously, I'm watching it right now for the first time, and it's already my favorite show.

Well, "my favorite show" next to The Office, The Daily Show, South Park, Reno 911, Welcome To The Captain, SNL, Gossip Girl, Law & Order, Law & Order SVU, Law & Order Criminal Intent, Weeds, and Grey's Anatomy.

I also really like Men In Trees in theory, tho' I never seem to be around on the right night to actually watch it.

Out of character.

Not many people know this, but Katy and I went to high school with Johnny Pohl. Even more importantly, his father, Jim - who started our (state-winning, schawties) hockey program in 1974 - was also our high school principal.

I adored Mr. Pohl, and I don't believe I would be remiss in saying that most of my classmates felt the same way. He was approachable, easy-going, and knew most of us by name. He did things like time the walk from the locker rooms to the Social Studies classroom (the furthest stretch across the building) just to make sure that the time set between classes was long enough for the students. I'm sure not everyone was a fan - sometimes a principal can't always be your pal (get it?!) - but I was, and since it's my blog that's what really counts.

I was admittedly shocked when I watched the news tonight and heard about Tommy Pohl, (Johnny's younger brother) who was severely injured in last night's Minnesota Gophers game. I'm not going to do one of those "this is awful because I knew him and I want everyone to know that" type things, because I really hate that kind of crap and I didn't actually know Tommy apart from knowing that he was Johnny's little brother. But, my fond feelings for Jim led me to write this because I do think he would appreciate thoughts and prayers for his family right now. So if you care to, please send 'em up and out.

Weekend Video Treats: Because it's Sunday afternoon.

I vaguely remember a friend (I honestly don't remember which one) telling me recently that they "weren't a big fan of" Jon Lajoie. I know...I began to wonder why we were friends, too.

Weekend Video Treats: In case you missed it (SNL)

Weekend Video Treats: I'm totally the girl in the braids, staring out the window, hoping desperately that nobody notices me...

Perez titled this video "Fierce Tranny Hotness", and it's totally true. (Sidenote: Anyone else notice that I seem to be addicted to the word "totally" lately? That's totally crazy, bitches!)

Weekend Video Treats: I'm totally losing my shit over this one.

Weekend Video Treats: Warning: This video elicits a number of "holy SHIT!"'s from viewers.

Plus, the dancing...oh my god. The dancing.

Why can't people just be cool, like me?

I am, once again, in the middle of a comment scuffle.

So I love Scott Schneweis' column in METRO magazine (in other news, does anyone know how I got a subscription to this? Because I don't?). His writing makes me laugh out loud, and I really love that he goes on WCCO every Friday morning to talk about weekend events (I'm very loyal to WCCO, just in case you haven't caught on). So I started reading his blog.

The other day he posted about six-word memoirs (where you try to sum up your life in six words) and ended the post with his: "This would be better with vodka". Cute, right? Well, two anonymous posters responded with "Disturbing." and "Sad." So, as I am wont to do, I called those commentors lame.

And now one of them called me a suck-up, so I called them lame again, and I know this is just gonna esculate to MNspeak proportions where, before you know it, I'm attacking their character and promising catastrophe on the heads of their unborn children.

It's a good thing I use my free time for such useful endeavors. I heard a rumor that the environment is going to crap and that there's this thing called "world hunger", but a girl's gotta have her priorities.


PS - I know I'm late to the game on this, but I gotta post a linky-link to this post. It's totally unrelated, but I love its intelligence and humor so much I hafta share it. HAFTA.

Remember when I used to actually write stuff on here? Yeah, me too...

Hot links, which are not like Hot Pockets because even though they're tasty, you can't stuff 'em in your mouth while you yell out "HOT POCKETS!" to the tune of the Hot Pockets jingle -

It's funny 'cause it's true (EDIT: In lieu of the link, I decided just to post it here to make it easier to read, since I know it takes an immense amount of energy to open another tab in your browser to go look at only the highest quality linkage served to you on this blog. You're welcome, and I love you, too)

From Best of Craigslist:

It's me! Every girl ever.

Date: 2007-11-07, 10:38AM EST

Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!


Blogs: It's funny cause it's true, too

It's funny 'cause it's true part deux

I can't think of a title clever enough for this.

1965 goodness -

RICE! RICE! RICE! RICE!

Here's something for you brainiacs: A multiple-choice vocabulary quiz that tests your word knowledge and addresses world hunger. FreeRice.com rewards each correct answer to its 10,200 word definition challenges (all SAT-based) with a donation of 20 grains of rice.

Plus, this will give you a chance to brush up on your language dexterity for the next Drunken Spelling Bee, taking place on March 28th at the 331 Club. And good news: Pabst is now a sponsor, which means there'll be prizes to be given away and even more hipsters flocking to give the beer a bad name.

Hot chicks with douchebags.

Because we've all been there.

Dudes.

S-s-s-scenario:

Let's say you liked this chick. But, she was interacting with a guy who, in your opinion, was more attractive than you. Would you, at any point in time, state, "She likes a guy who's much hotter than me"?

The reason I'm asking: I hear girls say this all the time when they're talking about comparisons and such, i.e., "I'm totally not as hot as her" etc. I never hear dudes say it, though. Would you say it out loud? How would you phrase it to your male friends? Would you just call the other guy a dick because you know your friends would get the message? Or, if it's against guy code to admit to insecurities, what would you think to yourself when thinking of said upperclassmen?

I needs to know!

Now I can get this song stuck in your head, too.

Akon - I Wanna Love You lyrics

You can get widgets like this here. You gots to search for them, though, 'cause I ain't yo' mama.

The first step to recovery is acceptance.

I totally stole this from Taylor's blog...because even though you should, I know that not all of you read his page. And I just cannot deny you, my dear readers, this...'tis just too awesome...