Thursday, April 30, 2009

Yeah. Those comment things. I read them.

I've reading Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and it's causing me to think about Hippo, Redirt, and Dan a lot. In case you don't know who they are, Hippo, Redirt, and Dan have been around this blog almost from the beginning.

This blog is old. It's hard for me believe that I've been writing this blog for five years, being that I started it on a whim and didn't expect for anyone to read it except for my closest friends. And it's really been this huge part of my life: It was my source of entertainment when I was living in Spooner aka Social Life Drought; it was my source of comfort when I was dealing with Munchkin and the move to Minneapolis and some other stuff that happened along the way; my source of confidence when I worked on my writing and no one said anything super mean to me about it; and it's opened the door to numerous opportunities and new friends. But the highlight had to be the months when I lived in Spooner, was a private-practice therapist and was back in school (online, bitches, 'cause this girl doesn't like to go to class. I have issues with it. We can talk about it later). Seriously: Every day I would remind myself of how fun my life be able to get up, "study" on my laptop and comment all day long with Hippo, Redirt, and Dan. There are some freaking good times to be had on Friday night when you've got a 12-pack of Summit, a pack of cigarettes, and three hilarious guys who alternately bust your balls and stick up for you all day long. Makes not having an actual social life outside of work kinda all right.

Hippo likes to gross me out with his pervy comments about my friends and sometimes about my right calf. Redirt likes to be mean to me and he's even called me a psycho once. Dan is my metal geek dork friend who knows exactly what to say to make me feel better and to make me laugh. And all three of them have come through with some pretty heart-warming stuff when it's mattered. There are a lot of times when I wish Hippo and Redirt lived her or Dan and I lived there so we could go out drinks on the regular and get into fist fights and stuff.

So this is your shout-out. And Hippo's right, Redirt - I knew you when you had the 'fro. And you're freaking engaged now, which is weird because it means that you're actually nice to a girl somewhere out there. I also just scored a voucher from United Airlines, so feel free to invite me to your wedding so I can show up and ruin it for you and stuff.

Also, I don't have any plans as of yet on Saturday (by CHOICE, muthafuckas) so if you guys are up for another round of "Screw, Marry, or Push off a Cliff", I'm totally game.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Or I'm going to kill someone. And I don't think they let you blog from jail.

Okay, I know that the solution here is probably really simple and I'm going to feel really dumb after someone shares it with me, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, can someone please tell me what button to push so that the margins on my Wordperfect documents stay equal every time I open the document?!

Here's what happens: I'm working on this piece of writing, and every time I work on it, save it, close it, and then open it again later, the margins are all messed up. They get larger each time I re-open the document, and I cannot spend another five minutes re-formatting them back or I'm going to do something really, really violent.

Please help me? Someone out there? Please?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

What I learned tonight.

Everything happens for a reason. I know it sounds trite - and believe me, there are times in my life when I've wanted to punch people in the throat for saying this to me - but tonight I really did realize that it's true. Here's an example - lately there's been a rash of deja vu in my life when it comes to ex-boyfriends. And I'm talking four of them all coming back into my life within the span of about ten days. For instance, the post I wrote earlier in the week about not recognizing someone I used to love so much? Ironic premonition. Odd in its coincidence, unwelcome in the pain it brought back up. But here's what I realized tonight, upon my return home from a Monday night bonfire party: If I had gotten what I wanted five years ago - and I wanted it, with all of my heart - I wouldn't have all of the amazing friends that I'm so grateful for now, and I wouldn't have all of the amazing experiences that have shaped me into a person I never thought I could become.

So I guess what I'm saying is, my life is awesome.

Monday, April 20, 2009


Chelsea is one of my best friends in this whole wide world. Sometimes I still look at her and think, "Why do you like me?"...she's totally that girl from high school who was so impossibly cool that you were too in awe of her to even look her in the face. Chelsea is one of the smartest, funniest, sweetest people I know, and I look up to her because she always does the right thing, no matter what.

And this picture, still, says it all:

Look how effin' bad ass she looks, just standing there in her hot pink puffy vest and her tattoos?!? I love her.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Happy Birthday to STOOK!

Since it's Stook's birthday on Monday, Sunday evening my roommate/friend Alexa and I decided to make video presents for our friend. Sara Montour came over earlier for girl talk and ABC Family movies (you loved them, don't front), and was subsequently roped into helping us.

Here's what happened:

We had some technical difficulties.

Alexa doing her Recorder Dance for Stook. And for me.

During the night that Stook and I met, I did an improvised dance routine to this song during POB's wedding reception. So we decided to recreate that magical moment for him, for you, and for everyone else in the entire world, even though just doing this felt completely embarassing esp. when our other roommate, Drew, walked in while I was doing the routine. BUT I DID IT BECAUSE I LOVE THE STOOK.

Another technical difficulty that turned into ANOTHER RECORDER DANCE OPPORTUNITY.

And finally, we decided to break out some more dancing, but this time with Alexa on acoustic guitar AND CULMINATING IN THE SPLITS.

Quote from last night:

"There are a lot of things in my life that I've regretted saying. Telling you to shut the fuck up isn't one of them."

Saturday, April 18, 2009

It's overwhelming to realize that, if in a crowded room with someone I used to love so much, I probably wouldn't even recognize them anymore.

Listening To: You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol

I had this thought at Joe Senser's yesterday, a place I had only been to once before, years ago, with someone I used to be very much in love with. My new coworkers and I had decided to go there for a celebratory happy hour (our new clinic opens on Monday). While walking through the bar on my way to the table where my coworkers were sitting, I realized that if he was there right now, I probably wouldn't even be able to pick him out from the crowd. I haven't loved a lot of people in my life. Very few, in fact. Most I can remember with perfect clarity, but him...I used to think of him, after, as one of the worst things that could have ever have happened to me. And now, he's just not even there, not even in my memories. Disappeared, on all accounts. Maybe that's good, now. I think it might be.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Bummer that you don't have any friends.

From Craigslist:

Looking for Bridesmaids

So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn't just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won't have to pay for a thing.

Hope to hear from you!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Pushing the bush.

A favorite chick of mine, Courtney McLean, posted this video on her Facebook, and I gotta say: I was actually pretty pissed off about it (the video. Not the posting of it by Courtney).

Here's my thing: If I wanna shave my legs, I will. Most times I won't because I don't really need to since my leg hair is still pretty blond and soft (but even if it was coarse and dark, I still wouldn't shave it all the time because that shit takes forever). And if I wanna groom, I'll do it. But I'm not doin' it for you. I'm doin' it for ME. So take your propaganda bullshit and your patriarchal societal ideals about women and how they should be hairless, pre-pubescent (don't EVEN get me started on ageism, or I'm gonna have call in Patti: The Millionaire Matchmaker for the big guns), coiffed and unnaturally manicured and stick it up your sexist, gender-role-restricting, slightly-demeaning ass. Because until men start feeling pressure to spend a wad (get it? DID YOU GET THAT JOKE?) of money every week on a bikini wax or a special razor, I'm not going to bow to it. Your stuff is just as unruly as ours. And, like every rule I have about everything in this category...if you don't think you should have to do it then neither do I.


Sunday, April 12, 2009

Weekend Video Treats: Just in time for summer

My roommates and I cannot stop watching this - it's hard to pick which video/song from The Lonely Island guys is the #1 favorite, but this one runs a close race. Also, the best part about this one is that, when approached about doing a song with The Lonely Island trio, T-Pain said he'd do it but only if he could sing on this one.

And if you've ever been around Lake Minnetonka on a hot sunny day, than you know it's funny 'cause it's true.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

On bikes and asses.

Let me be clear: Even though I have an abhorrence towards riding a bike in the city, I'm a huge advocate for biking rights. However, I'm not a big advocate for the guy who's staging his own personal Critical Mass (which I support, by the way, even though I think your message is lost because you're only preaching to the choir and further alienating car drivers instead of winning advocates or raising awareness) by purposefully taking up the middle of the lane while cruising down Hennepin (clarification: Not biking - cruising. As in, coasting). And I know someone out there is going to crucify me for this, but if you're not going the speed of traffic, get the fuck over. And I feel confident saying that because if you were in a car and doing the same thing, I would still be annoyed and irritated with you.

The End.

Monday, April 06, 2009

The ginger kid is now officially invited to my next party.

I also wanna know who the dorks are who are taking Food From The Lewis & Clark Expedition. Mostly because I'd like to date them.

Listening To: She's Crafty by Beastie Boys

The other day I received the Adult Enrichment Classes / Community Education mailing, which I obviously immediately devoured because I care about continuing education.

And look what there is to choose from!

1. "Knitting 1: Making a Classy Scarf"
Are there pornographic scarves out there? And if so, can I take a class on how to make those?

2. "Magical Fairy Castles"
I don't know exactly what this class is about - are we to make Magical Fairy Castles? Will we be learning about the history of Magical Fairy Castles? Mayhaps just sitting around in a sharing circle, with tea and crumpets, discussing our abiding love for Magical Fairy Castles? - but I'm fuckin' going.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Falling out.

Listening To: Heartbeats by The Knife

So I'm dealing with this thing where my heart just kind of hurts, and all the time. This constant, ache-y feeling...and the worst is that there's really nothing out there to make it feel better. You hear all the old adages about getting under someone or how just simply meeting new people will take your mind off of it, etc., but you know, I'm starting to realize that stuff just really isn't all that true. Maybe it's me. I don't know. I know I tend to hold onto stuff and ruminate about it - I still cringe over a casual, unintentionally hurtful thing I said to a boyfriend seven years ago - but it's hard to believe that someday you're going to feel good about a bad ending.

And it's just that I'm sad. Mostly I'm just really sad. And I don't really know what to do about it, because I don't know if there really is anything to do about it. Confusion reigns, and all that. Sometimes I feel as if I would do everything I could to go back to where I was, and that there are so many things I would do differently if I had the chance. Other times I tell myself that I should just let it go and look forward to what's next, reminding myself that I got out of it because I was tired of being sad all the time. But now I just feel more so. It's a roundabout. It doesn't make sense.

Weekend Video Treats: Watch it. WATCH IT NOW!

I have a posted a link to this. i've sent the video to friends on Facebook. I have posted about it on Twitter. BUT I WILL NOT REST UNTIL EVERYONE I KNOW HAS WATCHED THIS. And why, you ask? Why is it so important, you say? Because I care about you. Because I cannot, in good conscience, let you continue on in life without knowing about this. Because I know, after having watched it, that my life is now greatly enriched...not only because I now know the fruition of every Renaissance geek's ultimate fantasy, but also because it's just so fucking dumb, crazy, and awesome that you can't even understand.

And it's only part one OF A TRILOGY.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

This shit is getting fuckin' crazy.

(That's one of my favorite quotes of all time. It's from "Rock of Love With Brett Michaels" (the first one) - Brandi was doing one of those episodic commentary things about the girls getting drunk and confrontational, and there's just something about the way that she said "This shit is getting fuckin' crazy" so casually that it was hilarious. It's second only to "Hit me, bitch, I WANT YOU TO!" from "Flavor of Love with Flava Flav".)

After only a week of following Heidi Montag on Twitter, I have decided to unfollow her.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Callin' it in x 2

Ten Immediately Memorable Books
This can be a quick one. Don't take too long to think about it (esp. you, Chelsea, SINCE I KNOW YOU'LL NEVER ACTUALLY DO IT). Ten books you've read that will always stick with you. First ten you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.

1. Population: 485 by Micheal Perry
This book is very personal to me for several reasons, but the main one being that it's about the same small area I lived in during my early twenties, during a pinnacle time in my life. Thus, reading it is like looking an unbelievably precious snapshot. Perry is an exceptional writer and an intriguing character, and he gives an astounding reading.

2. Fall on Your Knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald
I finished this magnificent book in one 24-period. It's one of the two times I can remember actually staying up all night long to finish a book because I loved it so much (I love to read, but this girl also loves to sleep). The characters and scenes are so mesmerizing that I'm grateful the book has never been made into a film. This statement is rare for me, but film just could not do it justice.

3. Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld
OH MY GOD. This book. This book is the literary version of Tori Amos in the 9th's the beacon in the angsty and "I'm so deep" sea. No one ever really understands you, because they don't listen to Tori Amos and so they don't really get "it" (it, everything, life, the universe) like you do. Curtis does. She gets it.

4. Candy Girl by Diablo Cody
This book had just come out when I moved to Minneapolis. Like most things that people are rabidly creaming their jeans for, I decided to stay away until the hype died down. This lasted about a month. I read it during an overnight shift at the juvenile treatment center I worked at during that time - one full sitting, I couldn't put it down. This book also became personal to me for various reasons, the main being that it kicks fucking ass.

5. Ishmael by Daniel Quinn
This book changed my life in that it changed my faith. It taught me to question my faith - not because it wasn't worth believing in, but because faith has no merit or value if it is never questioned nor examined.

6. Through a Glass Darkly by Karleen Kohn
Goddammit, this book is so thick and heavy that every time I move I ask myself ten times if I really want to keep it. And ten times I say yes, because I used to be really, really, REALLY into historically-themed epic novels, and this one was SO sweeping and epic that I still think about it from time to time, even though I probably haven't read it in a good ten years.

7. I Will Go Barefoot All Summer For You by Katie-Letcher Lyle
Hello?...with this title? (I just watched "Real Housewives of New York" and I can't seem to stop tawking like I'm from Lawn Guyland, it's like a fuckin' nightmeah). This is Young Adult Fiction. When I was 12, Jesse Preston was me, I was Jesse Preston. She doesn't belong, she does ridiculous things, and she falls in love with a nerdy scrap of a boy named Toby Bright, who likes that she runs around in bare feet and who kisses her at the end of a bike ride one summer afternoon and then disappears. So she runs away to Baltimore to find him.

8. Red Leaves by Paullina Simons
This was a book I picked up on a whim while I was working at a bookstore my senior year of high school. I needed something to pass the time. What I got was this sort of Twin Peaks/Law & Order/Ivy League hybrid of a book. Completely haunting story. It's a shame more people don't know this book.

9. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
At first, when this book came out, I was really pissed because I was working on a piece of writing that was similar, too similar, and I knew that I would never finish it because of this book. That isn't meant as arrogance at all...I was pissed because here I was, working hard on this story, and someone else comes out with something that is SO much better and I lost all confidence in any of my ideas. But it's such a favorite.

10. Anne of Green Gables by Lucy-Maude Montgomery


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