I'm kind of mystified by all this outrage over KFC's new Double Down Sandwich. "Rolling out this sandwich is exactly like selling heroin to kids," says Andrew Zimmern (according to an Emily Says So blogging post. I didn't actually read the linked article, mainly because Andrew - well, not really Andrew, but just food people in general - bug me).
Get this - it's a sandwich. And the only reason why it's different from any other sandwich is that, instead of using two pieces of sugar-loaded, nutrition-bare pieces of white bun, it uses two deep-fried pieces of chicken. The audacity! How DARE KFC use revolutionary tactics like using more chicken in their meals to induce the rage of the American public. I mean, it's not like chicken is their premier money-making product or anything.
And let's break it down even further - the thing is basically like a chicken strip basket, only with some bacon and cheese and gross sauce. I don't see Andrew Zimmern going up to kids and smacking their chicken strip baskets away from them, yelling, "Heroin! Oh my god, it's exactly like HEROIN!" And he wouldn't, would he. Because that would make him look hysterical and ridiculous.
Oh. Wait.
It's just that things like this are exactly why I hate people. People who love standing around on sidewalks, holding their bikes and pushing up their ironic 80's eyeglasses and talking about this shit..."Oh my god, did you hear about that new Double Down sandwich? Just what America needs, another fast-food sandwich to make them fat so they can go drive around in their earth-killing cars and live empty lives in their McMansions." (direct quote, btw). Yeah, it is what America needs. Wanna know why? Because for one, small, tiny moment it makes them happy and helps them forget that they have to share a country with pretentious, annoying, and preachy windbags.
I'm gonna eat a Double Down Sandwich every single day, I think. I'm going to stand on a street corner and eat one, and then throw up the wrapper like Mary Tyler Moore and yell something about being free from the tyranny of food jerks. I'm gonna drive in my car with the top down and eat it when I'm at the stoplight and then toss half of it at a passing biker. I'm gonna take one to the new documentary at Lagoon and eat it in the theater and then when a homeless-looking couple scowls at me I'm gonna yell out, "YEAH, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT NEW DOUBLE DOWN SANDWICH? IT'S PRETTY GOOD, YOU WANT SOME? NO? OKAY. I'LL JUST KEEP EATING THIS, THEN."
And then I'm gonna work out a lot, because even though I would want to prove a point, that fried chicken stuff is f-a-t-t-y.
I'd take AZ much more seriously if he didn't talk with his mouth full of bull's asshole, or whatever "minerally" shit he's eating that week. Seriously, dude...manners.
ReplyDeleteIt's almost as bad as people who order a super-sized Big Mac and a Diet Coke.
ReplyDeleteWhat if some people just like the taste of Diet Coke, though, Dan?
ReplyDeleteI LIKE THE TASTE OF DIET COKE.
I get Filet o Fish with my Diet Coke...cuz I'm a health nut.
ReplyDeleteAlso, word verification is mutbox...snicker.
No one likes Diet anything, Amber.
ReplyDeleteGet a grip.
Then I guess I'm just the exception to the rule, then, Dan.
ReplyDeleteWhich makes sense. I often am that one, unique, fascinating individual who refuses to join the pack.
Fair enough. Let this be noted as the first argument I have EVER lost.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite posts ever. And Dan just called you a nobody.
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOD, HE TOTALLY DID.
ReplyDeleteheart this post.
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent posting about the Double Down. I had one yesterday and didn't think it was as bad nutritionally as others would make it out to be either. I won't be having it again, mainly because I only thought it was okay.
ReplyDeleteAnd Amber, I'm with you when it comes to diet drinks. I actually prefer them to regular ones now. Besides, if I am already eating a 550-calorie sandwich, why would I want to tack an additional 240 calories from a 20-ounce Coke when I can add 0 calories from the same amount of Diet Coke.
I love this post. I think I love you.
ReplyDeleteDoubleplusgood post. I enjoyed one of these today, though post-sandwich I kinda felt like Lot's wife after she turned around.
ReplyDeleteBest line: "I'm gonna drive in my car with the top down and eat it when I'm at the stoplight and then toss half of it at a passing biker."
When somebody asks me what it tastes like, I'll say 'freedom'.
hot
ReplyDeletethey have grilled too
I didn't call Amber a nobody.
ReplyDeleteShe merely asserted her status as a unique snowflake.
Totally different. Like, for sure.
Here is the Double Down for those not aware: Take two pieces of fried chicken fillets and use them to sandwich two slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese, two slices of bacon and a special sauce. As KFC says, there's so much chicken that there’s no room for a bun.
ReplyDeleteThe nutrition facts aren’t the best, as you can imagine. The Double Down weighs in at 540 calories, 32 grams of fat and -- hold on -- 1,380 milligrams of sodium. KFC offers a grilled version that mysteriously is just as bad and has more sodium: 460 calories, 23 grams of fat and 1,430 milligrams of sodium.
its really not that bad, anything from chipotle or the likes of its competition are between 700-1200 calroies per meal, which is just as "insane."
ReplyDeleteI ate one and I was definitely burping up freedom afterward.
delicious.