Um, did I break the formspring magic answer portal with my "innocent" airport make-out question? Oh, and is that a "no" then?
It did not break the portal. I carry with me the dark, possibly false hope that, someday, someone will ask me out on here and then actually follow it up with an actual identity (there's been a rash of anonymity lately, and it reminds me of that lovely time in 7th grade when someone would call you up and go, "Someone likes you!" and then hang up. It was like the junior high phone equivalent of a dick tease...only sadder, and with no foreplay).
You should have known better, sir. After all the time we spent together, after becoming so well-acquainted with my Judgment Face. And WHY do I have to tell people what they have to do to "get" me to do something? It's like the other ones - no, it's okay, you just sit back and let *me* figure out the place, tell you the time, give you detailed directions, and then *I'll* stand there and wait while you decide whether or not you want to leave your friends party to follow up your query on what it would take to slow dance/make out with me. Because that...that is just the type of scenario I've been staying single for so long for.
And isn't the entire definition of romance that YOU think of these things? I HAVE DONE ENOUGH. I have orchestrated enough romantic, passionate, windswept moments to earn me the right to sit back in my recliner/wheelchair for the next 70 years while YOU break your back trying to knock someone out. I'm fucking DONE. And when I did all of this, I didn't ask that person to give me an outline of what they wanted me to do?! I went out and fucking figured it out! If someone wants to know what it would take to get me to make out with them in an airport, then they should be okay with the fact that it means that they now get to go through all the fun of trying.
I'm not helping anyone out anymore. Fuck you guys. YOU benefit more from marriage than *I* do, but yet I'M the one who's supposed to work hard to land one of you?! Awesome. I'll take time away from my career, relationships, and personal endeavors and get right on that.