Sean - or as I like to call him, Yawn-a-Sean - has been announced as the new Bachelor!
I like Sean. He's super cute, the boy knows how to kiss, and he's actually kind of funny, sometimes. Also, he took Emily dumping him (AFTER she hounded him to "open up" to her about his feelings for her) like a total class-act champ. Also, I don't think we even need to talk about how good he looks with his shirt off.
Okay, everybody. Get back work and try to focus through your overwhelming excitement. You've got a job to do. You can't lose it just because Sean is the new Bachelor! What would your family say? How would you live with yourself? You've got enough riding on this job as it is...you can't afford to mess it up just because a Golden Boy from Texas with some sweet Southern charm and a killer bod is going to be drinking champagne and jumping half-naked into hot tubs all season long. You've got to concentrate - this isn't the time to be thinking about Sean taking a girl into his arms in some back ally somewhere and laying a passionate mouth-massage on her, then scooping her up and pressing her up against the wall, showing us juuuuust enough of what it would be like to give in on our 90 Day Rule with him in a hot hotel suite somewhere. Because who needs Rules?! Am I right, ladies? Who needs rules when you can have passion...with someone who's also safe, and loves the idea of marriage and family, and who will make you feel like you just got carried away in the moment instead of making you feel like they kind of know that you do this type of thing all the time even though you've perfected your sexy yet slightly sheepish "Oh my gosh, I never do this type of thing..." protestation that you always utter at just the right moment...like when he's scooping you up from the kitchen counter and carrying you into the bedroom. The way Sean would do. I bet he could lift a girl up and carry her into a bedroom somewhere...and I bet he could do that all the time, instead of just once in a while, like after he's been in the gym for a week and wants to impress you so he can finally seal the deal on this thing. Sean would probably do that sort of Sweeping Romantic Gesture with everything. Sean's probably perfect, everybody.
So anyway, guys. Let's get back to our regular, boring, straight up 9-5, doin-the-same-thing-I-did-yesterday work and return back to our regularly-scheduled, nothing-ever-changes, when's-it-gonna-be-MY-turn-for-romance lives!