Friday, September 14, 2012
Sometimes, "Go Fuck Yourself" is the best philosophy you can have.
Do I continue to take the high road, or is it finally time to set the record straight?
This kind of dilemma tends to come up with that one person who is intent on constantly poking at you. Who purposefully tries to aggravate you. Is fucking asking for it.
Or when a friendship or a relationship breaks down, and your wish to keep things private are circumvented by their wish to sell their sympathetic side of the story. To everyone.
Or when someone is just a straight-up asshole.
For the later part of my adult life, I've chosen to take the high road. At first, it almost hurt to do so - it was like letting a mosquito buzz in your ear for hours without giving in to the instinct to raise my hand and swat it away.
But I knew it was the right choice, especially in situations where I knew the truth about what happened, the people who mattered did as well, and it was inevitable that person was going to find their own path to destruction whether I opened my mouth or not...so why should I take time out of my busy Real Housewives-watching schedule to pave it for them?
Sometimes, though, it got a little ridiculous. And it became more difficult to keep my mouth shut. When, four years later, someone is still intent on defaming your character with a ridiculous story meant to deflect their own fault and responsibility in the demise of their former life, it can take everything you have not to whip around and finally tell them to shut the fuck up. Turn the car around, write a strongly-worded post on the blog, and exorcise them once and for all.
But here's the funniest thing about it, and it honestly never fails - the more the other person talked and the less I did, the sooner people stopped buying what they were selling. Their story became a loud clanging symbol, meant to distract everyone from seeing what was behind the curtain. And the more you bang that shit in someone's ear, the more they're going to suspect that you're hiding something pretty bad. And in one particular situation, it got to the point where this person was so desperate to deflect blame that I had people I didn't even know coming up to me and telling me that they knew what this person was saying about me couldn't be true. And you know what 90% of their reasoning was? The fact that I never said anything about that person. That even though it had to be obvious (and it was. Subtly is not their strong suit) that this person was talking a mountain of shit about me, I continued to keep my mouth shut, and my only acknowledgement that I knew this person was simply a polite smile when their name came up in conversation.
So today, I'm declaring "Go Fuck Yourself" as my new and permanent philosophy. And I think you should think about making it yours, too. Because really, those types of people in our lives can and should go fuck themselves...they don't need any help or assistance from us to do so. And it might seem that this new philosophy doesn't really jive with the meditation stuff and living with love, etc, but really, it does. Go Fuck Yourself is, quite frankly, sometimes the most loving approach you can take towards a person. And it's what I've done with one person in particular - I've forgiven them, I've moved on, and now they can go fuck themselves. I won't bad-mouth them to people, I won't try to ruin their life, I won't even think shitty thoughts about them when I see their face in a bar or their name on a page. All their bad roads and poor experiences are now entirely up to them. Because, kids...when it comes down to swimming in bullshit or choosing love, I choose love. And I love them just as much as I love strangers walking down the street - I love you because you are human and part of this world, so I don't want to see you get exploded in a building or have your face eaten by zombies, but I'm also not going to give you a hug or money or set you up with my best friend. You just exist, and I'm okay with your existence. I don't need to expend my precious energy setting the record straight, because what you have to say no longer matters to me or has any real bearing on my world. So! Kindly go fuck yourself, and please enjoy the removal of my energy from your sphere.
See? Kind, effective, easy.
Aaaand...it'll probably look great on some American Apparel t-shirts, too.