Thursday, November 29, 2012

So take your four dollar cups of coffee, your taxi cabs, your blue suits, and BEAT IT!

This guy's a farm boy. You wanna date him? 
"Online Dating for down to earth singles is growing across America's Heartland coast to coast!
FarmersOnly.com is a dating site like no other. We exist because, the way we see it, there are basically two groups in America. Group one revolves around four dollar cups of coffee, taxi cabs, blue suits, and getting ahead at all costs in the corporate world. If you fall into this group then FarmersOnly is not where you want to be dating online. There are plenty of hard to trust dating sites out there for ya though! Group two enjoys blue skies, living free and at peace in wide open spaces, raising animals, and appreciating nature. We understand the meaning of Southern hospitality, even if we don't all live in the South. This group makes up America's Heartland – the slice of America with good old fashioned traditional values, values that were never lost by the farmers of our country. These values have also been preserved by the cowboys and cowgirls who still live on the edge, nature lovers who don’t take the outdoors for granted even though it is free, and horse lovers, ag students, and other animal lovers. If you’re in this group and going to be dating online, there is no dating site that comes even close to FarmersOnly.com. And you don’t have to take our word for it: You can check out who is on our site for free!

One farmer told us the story of her frustrations in finding her match. She thought that dating online would be the answer and joined some of the big national online dating sites. What she found was that the city folks that dominated these online dating sites couldn't relate to her lifestyle. They wanted to meet at 9:00 p.m. for a cup of coffee when she would typically be preparing (going to bed) for the next day, which started at 5:00 a.m. Caffeine at that hour was the last thing she needed!

City folks just don't get it!™

When we looked for dating sites for farmers, we found sites that claimed to cater to farmers, ranchers, and country dwellers, but the majority of postings seemed to be from people living in big cities—if the people were real at all! Just looking at the postings, they sure didn't look like farmers to us! So we built an online dating site that's 100% for farmers, ranchers, and those who can relate to the rural and country lifestyle, and where you can register for free in order to get a feel for who is on our site. 

Instead of asking what your astrological sign is, at FarmersOnly.com we ask if you raise or breed alpacas, horses, cattle, chickens, dogs, goats, rabbits, sheep, grow crops, or if you're an organic farmer, student farmer, cowboy, cowgirl, or just a farmer wanna be! How many singles sites do that?!"

Do you get it yet? FARMERS ONLY, EVERYBODY!

Back when I was in high school, I dated a few of what you might call "farm kids" (actually, now that I think about it, the only boys I dated in high school were either farm kids or prep-school city kids). Country was getting big at the time, we lived right next to the rural communities of Goodhue and Ellsworth, and I hated everyone in my own school. Plus, both my grandpas were farmers, so I thought I could relate.

But I couldn't. I still remember the Friday nights when my boyfriend couldn't pick me up for parties or dates until after 8 because he had to finish his chores first. Because I was 17 and stupid and spoiled in the way you tend to be when you're 17, I would make comments like, "Heaven forbid we'd get to go to an early movie for once." (In my defense, that was pretty much the worse of it when it came to me being your high school girlfriend. Unless we were supposed to go to prom together. And then you were pretty much fucked).

So, in a way, I get the need for a site like this. But sometimes, from an online dating consultant perspective, I think sites like this are kind of silly. First of all, you're splitting up the already-slim pool of quality dates to be found online. Second, why don't we just make sites that fit everyone's special life circumstances? How about a EntrepreneursOnly.com? ("If you're looking for someone who understands what it's like to work 22 hours a day to launch a company that will either plummet you into desperate poverty or make you into a multi-millionaire - or both, at different times - then this site is for you!") Better yet, let's do the service of matching the kind of partners that makes sense together...say, Freelancers&CorporateExecs.com - "If you're a freelancer, meet someone who can support you during lean times! If you're a Corporate Exec, meet someone who will assuage that pesky white-collar guilt!"

Mostly, though, the pitch for this site...it's just...well. Stupid. Those goddamn drinkers of four dollar cups of coffee! The NERVE of someone wanting to meet for CAFFEINE at NINE at night! You work in the corporate world? Then you must be a lying, scheming scumbag who'll sell his grandma into the slave trade to make a quick buck during the week and then takes the outdoors for granted on the weekends, even though those outdoors are free! You're a farmer on Match.com? WELL YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A FARMER TO US, PAL! There are TWO GROUPS in America, folks, and you city people are in THE WRONG ONE!

And yes. Thanks to Kevin/@kwatt's recommendation, I am highly looking forward to using some of the profiles on there for future Maybe Not Mondays. Not because I want to make fun of farmers. But because I am about equality.

And if city folks just don't get it, then chances are farmer folks don't, either.

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