Monday, January 07, 2013

Maybe Not Monday: The Scammer Jammer Edition

Let's be real for a second:

We all think we're smart enough to spot a scammer/spammer on online dating sites.

But the truth is, 90% of people? Are not.

So today for Maybe Not Monday, I'm going to cover some obvious scammer/spammer tricks...and maybe some not-so-obvious ones. Because while I mostly feel like, if you fall the for the obvious ones you deserve to get spammed, sometimes you're just feeling super sad and lonely and then you get a message from really cute girl who seems super sweet and "ready for fun" and you think, "Hey, what have I got to lose except for my personal identity and positive credit rating and my entire life savings?"

So this post is for you, pal.

(learn all about it after the jump!)

(my comments in bold)

Example #1
My self-summary

I am a sexy, loyal, and devoted woman who's looking for a man to please me.I need someone to share personal moments with, enjoy life and to firmly hold the blessings of a lasting and undying happiness. I can't receive message on here due to one reason or the other kindly Text me on this number 585 205 7687. 
Here's some obvious telltale signs of a scammer, in descending order of obviousness -
* She can't receive messages (or " message") on there, so she wants you to contact her via her phone number.
* She puts her phone number in her profile. 
* She is looking for a man to please her. 
* She puts in stuff that could be lifted from a devotional-type Hallmark card: "Blessings of a lasting and undying happiness." This is to throw you off the skank trail, because it leads you to think that she's a good, deep, emotional person who just needs to get laid, you know? Kind of like you.
"Loyal" and "devoted" - you might not believe me - and I probably wouldn't have, either, until I became a moderator - but 99.9% of all scamming profiles contain these two words. It's like SEO for spammers.

What I’m doing with my life

I'm a Nursing student in final year. 
Of course she is. 

I’m really good at

Making people laugh 
Obviously! Who doesn't love a sexy, loyal, and devoted nursing student who can also make people laugh?!

You should message me if
You are looking for relationship and you must be honest,caring,loving,understanding,generous,trustworthy man. 
You're all these things, right? Of course you are!

Example #2 
My self-summary
I am honest, down to earth and searching for my real love to spend the rest of my life with. am seeking a true lover and a marriage minded man who is willing to live together with loyal and devoted (see?!?!) woman for mutual benefits and not just for fun.
Here's the thing, and I hate to say this because I don't want to sound like one of those people who think that those who don't have complete mastery of the English Language (aka, one of the most complex and confusing languages in the history of the world) are all idiots or spammers, but it is fairly true that you can spot a spammer by noting odd language like "for mutual benefits." If it sounds weird that an All-American-looking girl is writing things like the above, it's usually because she's not. 
 What I’m doing with my life
I returned back to school after spending so many years at bar as a waitress 
"So many years at bar as a waitress." I fully support your decision to go back to school.
I’m really good at
making people smile 
Aw, that's nice! Girls who love to laugh and make people's like the golden elixir for fools...
The first things people usually notice about me
I cant really say but I guess its my eyes 
"Or my poor mastery of what you are to assume to be first language for me!"
I spend a lot of time thinking about
why an attractive young lady like me has no mate 
Nobody except older men ever, ever utters a sentence like this. 

Example #3
My self-summary
I'm a kind of a woman that really believe in the Lord.I was born and raise in U S,I'm passionate,easy going,trust worthy,loyal, cool,calm,caring, devoted and understanding.i am single looking for the right man to take good care of me.I love going to beaches,cinemas,museum.I love cooking,reading and playing video games.I love playing and watching sports like football,basketball,baseball,hockey and others.
Remember what I said about weird language? Also, no one "born and raise in U S" feels the need to state that in their profile. And, no one who was actually born and raised in the US uses the word "cinema" unless they're completely assholes.

Example #4
From flagger to ______ 
Hey JoycelynEverett, We chose each other! Reply to this message to contact me. If you don't want to receive rating messages, go to the settings page to change your notification settings.This message was sent to you by OkCupid on behalf of ebowhold4u
From ______ to flagger:
Heyy, How are you? You're cute. What brings you to okcupid?
From flagger to ____
Well I'm here looking for someone I can have a really meaningful relationship with and not play games. You? Btw why's you profile incomplete​
From ______ to flagger:
Yeahhh, I'm not looking for anything very serious right now, just something 'casual'. I broke up with my cheating exboyfriend a few weeks ago. I've just been bored and kind of lonely, taking a bunch of pictures on my phone tonight. I was trying to upload some here but it won't let me because they are too inappropriate I guess :( I'm gonna hop offline for now, you should just text my phone at ***-***-****, but make sure you tell me your name so I know who you are :):)
"Hey cutie! Just lying around, taking naked pics of my totally hot bod! You seem super cute and nice...totally NOT like my creep ex-boyfriend who cheated on me! You would NEVER do that to me, would you? I can trust you, can't I...even though I'm totally not looking for something serious right now, just lots and lots of hot sex with nice cute guys like you! Oh oops, gotta go! Why don't you just give me your phone number and I'll send you all of these super hot pics to your phone and then steal your identity and hack into your bank account for you? It'll be so much fun! *giggles*

Also note the same yet slightly lazier tactic in this common (seriously, I've seen a hundred messages following this same exact formula since becoming a mod) message -

hi what stuff are you currently into? I have a few naugthy pitcures. but I can't ulpoad tehm here at okcupid. hvae you a mobile number and I can message you thanks
Because who doesn't want naugthy pitcures from someone who is an obvious tech (and spelling) genius genius, right?

hi there what hobbies are you currently into? I have some eortic pics but I can't ulpoad them here at okcupid. do you got an mobile number and I can send them to you thanks
Does anyone know what "eortic" pics are? 

Now, to compare and contrast, here's an example of a profile that is obviously NOT a spammer -
My self-summary
I cant fucking believe im on here. my friend made me make this basically. she found her bf on here so I guess ill try to do the same.

So Im Meghan, blow out my candles on March 22nd. Studying nursing at BC & living for the weekend like every one else..
What's up with everyone being nurses on OkC?
What I’m doing with my life
Nursing school atm
I’m really good at
Alot of stuff ; ) no really listening, talking. being there for people. also i make really good pasta
The first things people usually notice about me
I mean my personality is genuine, Im strong and determened. Also if Im honest my boobs n butt lmao
At least she's honest, lmao!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
movies-bridesmaids, 16 candles, four brothers the notebook. basicaly anything w/ ryan gosling omg hes fucking sex on a stick. music- lil wayne mac miller kurt kobain nicki minaj alanis lol. food im not picky but i like italian. my dads italian and his grandpa started the most popular italian restarant in Brockton so if u take me out to eat I might judge the food that way lol. 
I like that she can't even handle how hot Ryan Gosling is that she simply had to state, for the record, that he's "sex on a stick" in a profile that is meant to draw other guys in. So classic. I love it. 
I spend a lot of time thinking about
my future, what my kids will look like, whens the next time Im goin out and gettin laid lol
I'm actually starting to kind of dig this girl. She IS refreshingly honest...
On a typical Friday night I am
With my girls getting our drank on
You should message me if
You have more to say then just HEY or WHATS UP. If u say that youll get ignored.

you have a 6 pack and are at least kind of hot.

u make ur own money.

you know the difference between your and youre. 

But not, obviously, the difference between "u" and "you", "ur" and "your", "youre" and "you're". That stuff is totally not importante!

For more illuminating online dating insights that obviously could only have been gained from so much experience it's almost embarrassing, follow along on Twitter and Facebook.

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